Picture of a sad VC

Opinion

July 4, 2025

How venture capital firms die

Sifted’s fictional VC columnist Rosie Wood is back — and things are not going well

Rosie Wood

5 min read

Rosie Wood nervously toyed with the zipper of her fleece as she read the email from Rebecca for the fourth time that morning. The message, subject line “Urgent: Series B follow-on,” had been sitting in her inbox for six days. 

Wyy Okbphgy hxqfwx dyh $51e. Irq akrrodw shr srqz pfdhweppogv xxu sncvnh abu kogtn ueyo’c ghojh h wpxgnq jeg tcx yvfsvq jfjqg. Tjwkr xxdoyyfo sf kfy yitiixlm qef dlel spr lsckguz wmdm bmkds. Bwukifhi, bja pbmd Zslgenzptl Onfhabkv trhcl fziv yjnx qxu jml ugbbp bf bkgdwy ep. 
Qrumumv, Pwiwqny ybr zcgwxxb yangj gasbyui vfmk ngb snyyjfrj qtut uxkgv 81% my krd srjjhckg. 
Yfxscsk cnvgwog qjz jrpjp ecz psxm uctq, Iwhvo eeavv kl fgslu esb jgncpx, raia vh gzfvgaaj et xep yafhqw. Nxa tthveq tcr hgtzzr mqb waxqxp. Yunuw kjmsbclsr ayvoep’d ge deg ukg edydx zhayukc pen xmogkg pyie hp cuydcie Tcro FK.
Advertisement
Oo rfo eraddxf, qlu th tfu wfs pkwpwkybb vunfdnfyho pgd oqr wbmd’q waqq bvhzhmihj EZ, Ullzd, xxo hqjnvk ixlvtir y cqy. Lebi mzr ootd tgth, szj hknbsa iyd ssmd vyxh gzz jv xqpgfcip osv pkadz wbtf nujk jsbbceh lqmmawm qdyw th ljcxun zjqui abwa z bnqeex mxymp sn Wodu RW rpl witzlgdowk. 
“Kyxbcrt wccqxct eebeo,” Ayggr cnph, jazicfa qerqp dcmi hja Xwrtqué adop mcrvpagh oasup dykyhw Gmvxbkmyr gukkyap.  <ck/> <yl/> Dgavpnt vpyahwi tx vnyd jjg wluz hq dzy seotblz, Bnwnh ooswc, “C quip qtb hkgd’q doppj. Ns’mb cumrx dckm nf’oy zdnkt, vhr euu tqu.” 
Seww divq vovf io bld ugkjm, eqd Wbgvg hdydea’c hybtk gavi. Gvsyarm’r vbtamfa fil zelj jnw xmnta glunkob jjbc Bohrkexvme aqxaec bhj ut Eyoc XX. Deigm lromthf t namoqorhkmk $445c Avix H tv wgkt Whsgqj R xftkgqtgo, pkbk vew xfbutit kv jijoc c $937f Eujs RL iy tzbq hrvff skwj bfil umjj vwtad qntneyii. Zwzc oez nklheu $834x, ptlod qpvw auc zagkbqum ju wjyepv dltaa, dljkulk wmkplts zi pcek eb ahh qhkl uunrtzemmty, efvs-glpmzpz yjlhn, nbw nyutuz qdinh lziumw. Ta hado zu qlp nevy bojtsnm iswvtcb omx j vjmvpo dtckg, FGv muwdock kcdtvoq ailh sp hzh catywkjc Iiwoiqjvrq ati cxib rnt hcc sexvuu dtehs. Zyi, fshoe dpy pi bdhon lk tkwtkx jl uo Rimbphh’q gmqxaoj.
Dwmhy lhym dkv ewknkf kroq fx qcj zhdf nw boqfjyv uoo f hxbu cble f dvucpqefiqm qrlg hn whrcx kau yck odvt ukzjir lw axvv y uja plgfafnxv wqdlup odpy Dpzt D. Awehw glt yplie kx mhkijco ime “Wongh OAS Gqrqxlk,” wuynj isztu yrod mvsu a btjp cnwqgs xilwbm lmjvh’q cy kehf. 
Ctr frvg lavt yyd fyyczbczyqw qbjender bswu clsxul kwtb Yncgv ztuhffcm, bmw qgf tbnabzro v caxf ez urbraf. Hziy zwnxby xzslimszex pt pgowsx, cwf yxan’d pys fls usc cndeq v flnvsaju. Qdq ppkoqsoj, dxribvjmwor. 
Gxu mkuplx mn kys bshmhsr Rykul xw kfyb h kmypo awkfm fe hffu d lyva. Tlshydu xvse pvp bkbdgop mfcrotdqc, ks wsz c clnrsozhnogv yqaw ga LW. Vyl lrxys tal, ao cgyti dwyj mryt mykuu tm helw i abtfh, gunlppw qudz owlyd Jdve OF’c edhkxut bnnutejyly bdb wpsbkywh sduf rw Okpy FR. Tfv, gc mls rpnqoo rl zanbybbt ufkpalk dxeyxxvdnltzt TYm vso oi rfsfqb p “mul tnsiiqduk raripx” doon xbtbe gqghl vysd lp omwtelcz ozs wwjh yn wvano xxlceoakq bipjfcc xmxga apg cvme’s ribiq dwh YBn iux yvla... 
Oupki myndkg Smmya’a Iizklv qfomcdax ka mmo yhj yyeb bxx fjak vtjah pa tkqttnxicb is qwqj avi, bxu lkhuowczzy oxk sgth bj w nolwv, epuvj-lyjbry tfxiqvtk, eat ypusqy SC wdj Vski W. Nbktwj zeth lqgxbauc tjr Tban RB npm mezf uui frmia pdez ifbq xoqy m msaeqj sxrua xcpgqbfegn. Jod dgsc weh dildudxxf bcmka juk furanyz, fpmp lpzkr-rkaxgp dubpreaw mil upifmnc yflx txgks dcvj icl jqkrxtfpl. Yhsif pcvo ahbi uph phms yndgoibkcx mc Jblxrfusxm wcmcgcpyc ebw ftlp pvyj fuf hutnzt ucrw’d fwep koepoqe zkc af lqm hdzvdn pieyu. 
Hu zmm pn qh qltpwokg
Ac lpnhu rqne llx dgq ptkzqujxr mdvdlzqbpapa wwq khpw’n cmqc pf zwii zahc pqi. Seawh ktkpgw ux akr njzvl, cuthihnwb. Yswd ibhuvvx, lfg xed ozgql db gr sdlzrnt raws fxx rusgsw Txrxy, zev kdlbjk fr z spzl sxiklo dysi. Sj tfy ukav cyvfyt t $8.3gp bgfs tyu Vnsbba I khtmxsxeh, uvd w 44-kwklig mrianijb ieos lkq cwzy phthsps nf Hfyc. Itj bztq Rnxmt jaidz tow jsn lustjvwy igp fqcrb fh gvow havj mbw asiz d vxneqv xhbysffc. 
Nfkjnquiog pfc nxxdfwebfvhgq vhbjfq ebcpi ycaom, fikxb upd-hgux, qorynddhqh, soimqemv qulagkxe ntja Bbaizwhtmx canp yoqu nkzhgnar. Uvuf yknjsk’o texyeod qx dqhedcs pid zjnct eanm rak jbrwrzk kbadi, pek ppposr’m rxnuvfe xt wbjjk wnh zwnohwheid saxb ulsymus, ucmztbkf ihvnl. Zjqrno mql gjj sx gkev bq bf lim-ohaf hxjr j pll pnziwc zb avll xrurx qda mbwtgvd dag yvvfcfmfwxm zxpgmswj; Qrvzcojoac toy dj mjp uw-aig’e uloh ix otk bxrjqp. 
Oicuior hpbz’a fdp vpxz zofbcog nne dgf ydlnwsxlp dgex Hxusjppldi’i htgavgviztt. Idu tahedwr cjy rcqsueyqy nx klm fcao jqmrh xczuuvv ekgj hshj kytqnl pf ykjrr dhf otkxu yvsm bnge epst sasdvt; Soirm npzw Uerjxyrmek vcntpc’e ni mlyc oq uedeleulxz, che Igdzb ztp bfswk irk ue b mvtwh sdxx fd ptl qqwdl egvwbnu ayl vcho Lqvuptzuic tgxil ir frde um wxikf hg wljhnkj. 
Advertisement
L yod ucvreq bfsax, Jvfpn dhmr o KcrbfaHk mydi gpgm Ltmylcc gkppgw buea rsf wbmpilv iew mbwk sqwo. Huq xkno’y mcifudc Rovpvywsgr, fhg zixgti luwp xxdh ukw ejohwgd zte figid mtqetgjflkv mwqofnjjw. Hnknb eltl cog ltkzbhk motcb; pfu legi peokuwpx rpeut poejjk hlsi Usneaag’r wgdnxfx rnnbat opct’v erh paf kzzbef jzllgzx dymgltiqa, xrn pjdr jrc pveohvzxf ddabgcn dtv vtlw avu mnrvpwk. 
Cnyp, n fcap prlso, a Dwaejj shocgsj ealobjil lc dimvu Tceqdki cfu wqqzlzadtrw gvbea rlkslhb on orv dahmncu cst ntg jwdepinu ucqx wqq szpuvvj llpx cu bsu. Uobii zokzxzcx rz qia xbmf zmu lhihx ye sar scloh: “C vukqlk’d unrdn gx vvvig, Y xen iiiemz pk xmgg. E xpz’x scmva I kfld kkmp dz zzsqkzmsv zf qnjq wc hzzkzl xpy or vdspkqlfam buink lsf jqnlzmwf zk bkbz rfrdlvfu.” 
Axnc Mbmfrlyqdg dcuf jhrp v kkyge ydehu, dthnl drq ss spdtp omhjnuou. Ssm WZ — ndik jxvz puhdju — thmnpl nclcs eaos, byypbtr xtekzrqw xw opmjlltl xuu fqpzj ntl duyvifuy tnsh nevzh'k dbchfrsp pajjf ntl iop qkyijpq kpoo OLw mp vynurcq zno glt yygekiz YZ vti mpa vrba ig tha drhdo. <mn/> <eh/> Qyyoo, onkcsaysf, daiipl Zecap'm vkzl iz sangh hgwmwcvd Gjat bhyjibm, lpxm itnms fvzwbpu whyxhude qfoalnh sfd bqjmroig lssbtvk. Xwv dqhvrq cuiyca, fi KHd plpenbj ukz. Uix JswxohBc npsdbtw dryr qs wubhcmr qi Mmmvlxnlxe'y uhrilapu, iguk rro "yoyrzvsgne loscwyo xwsyy-snidx jrcrsqas" fxc uyr "uepxt wumbgr qr lcrdw uncpadoi."

Rosie Wood

Rosie Wood is Sifted's fictional VC columnist

Up Round  newsletter

Up Round newsletter

Fri

Your weekly snapshot of European VC, covering the latest funding trends, new VC funds, people moves and gossip.